Being bored of everything around ourselves is something we all know quite well. Especially in some days/nights when we expect something new and surprising to happen to us and the final result is NOTHING. As a creative person I’d say we see everything in black and white with some grey tints around. Going back to my mind I see confusion, a mess and at the same time a big gap, an empty room or a blank white spot. That’s what I call ‘Our Personal Canvas’.
When we are happy this canvas is full of colours, it’s well designed and well decorated. We might hear jolly music in our ears and even start humming. I am sure we are all familiar with recognising feelings but what I’m trying to do is to figure out another level of describing them.
A few days ago I lost my temporary job in the local shop. I was in a deep depression. I tried to deal with it by watching films or listening to music. I think none of them helped me recover myself. On the next day I tried to tidy up the mess in my room and I found a few white sheets I used for drawing long time ago. I couldn’t stop thinking about them and how nice is when I touch the paper. Then took the closest pen I found and I was ready to release myself.
But what exactly should I do with the paper and the pen? Write about how badly I felt? Yes, that’s a good relief but it doesn’t work every time and helps temporarily (in my case).
I wanted to forget about everything negative and to find the positiveness of the situation. That’s why looked around myself … and found a vase. There was a dried dark red/black rose in it (love them). I remembered some good old memories I had and which I connected with the rose. But I was still holding the pen and the paper and at the same time I enjoyed the beauty and the character of that flower. I don’t remember when exactly but at some time I realised I had started drawing the rose. I started filling in the blank sheet literally and laterally. I felt like I was creating something and it was not ‘nothing’… I even believed I can create much more than that (maybe get a new job)…
I so much wanted someone to tell me ‘Zary, you’re such a great person.. you deserve so much. It’s not fair what you’ve got as a result of your endeavour and efforts..’ Nobody said that. I just wanted to feel alive again, knowing I CAN do it and I’ve got my GOD back in my heart. By drawing the outlines and every single curve of that flower I realised I am a creator. I can create everything I want and need to – it’s all in my hands!
It depends on us what we’ll draw on our next ‘canvases’.
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